Back in the Car
by Vampykitty-kun
Summary: The man rose an eyebrow, and let a small grin slip onto his face as he turned on his com. Batman's tone was far more 'Bruce' than it should be while out on patrol, and that combined with pleading could make it an interesting night.


Prompt based on:

(913): 

She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?

Another part to my 'Texts From Last Night' string of fics. All of which end up slightly cracky, but oh well, lol.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

'Batman to Nightwing, come in.'

Dick tensed, and made a quick scan of his surroundings before slipping into the shadows.

_'I repeat, Batman to Nightwing, come in. It- it's urgent… please…'_

The man rose an eyebrow, and let a small grin slip onto his face as he turned on his com. Batman's tone was far more 'Bruce' than it should be while out on patrol, and that combined with pleading could make it an interesting night.

"Nightwing here, what's the emergency Batman?" He snickered under his breath.

_'I… have a situation.'_

"Gathered that. Please elaborate for me."

A hesitant sigh sounded from the other end, and he could just see Bruce squeezing his temples in honest frustration, perhaps even embarrassment if it fit the situation.

_'Gordon informed me that his lieutenants had gotten word of a high volume shipment coming in at Port Adams. Stolen goods, miscellaneous narcotics, high end vehicles. Something that would typically not cause us any grief.'_

"Mhmm, but it did, so my question is how and why?"

'_Unfortunately, Gordon's men were not the only ones to catch wind of the situation, and unfortunately they were the lesser informed. Catwoman was prowling the area upon my arrival. Diamond collar necklace, roughly eight carats, value at approximately thirteen thousand, was a part of the 'stolen goods' portion of the shipment. French in origin. She was insistent upon acquiring it.'_

"Made things difficult did she?' It was times like this Dick wished their communicators had the nice curly phone cords to twirl while gossiping.

_'…Negative. The problem lay more in the fact that Red Hood arrived just as we were taking out the guards. Rummaged through some things while we were distracted. By the time things were taken care of, he had already taken whatever he was after. Then blew half the shipment to pieces.'_

"Drugs, right?"

_'Yes, that seemed to be all he was interested in setting ablaze. Barely managed to get everyone out safely. No telling what combustibles could have been out of sight that could have gone off at any time. Couldn't risk casualties. Did not help matters any that Selina stuck around longer than necessary to retrieve her prize. Hood escaped on a red Honda CBR 1100XX Super Blackbird… Almost left on foot, changed his mind last second.'_

"Oooo, pretty."

_'Hn.'_

"Carry on!"

_'Regardless… Selina inhaled the fumes in the warehouse caused by Hood's explosive interference while retrieving that necklace. Managed to get her into the car and stabilized before she hacked up a lung. Unfortunately, here in lies my problem.'_

"Out cold? Anaphylactic response? Trying to get in your tights?" Dick grinned, restraining himself.

_'No- not quite what I am currently faced with. I have been told over the years that you have had quite a few interesting nights involving illegal sense muddling substances resulting in utter chaos, involving several people who should be ashamed of themselves might I add, so I was hoping you would be able to…assist me, with the problem at hand.'  
_  
"I have a feeling I'm gonna get a lecture later…"The man sighed, blanching at the idea of explaining such events to the Bat.

_'Fortunately for you, you have clearly been the tamest of the bunch in the substance department – let's not get started on your promiscuity however… but no. I simply request help with Selina. I- well, I am not prepared to deal with side effects that cannot be cured by antidote. Clearly she is going to have to sleep this off. Unfortunately, I am afraid to sedate her, as I am unsure of how the chemicals will react with one another…'  
_  
"So she IS trying to get in your tights!"

_'No, Nightwing, she is not! Focus!' _He growled, earning a squeak from Dick._  
_  
"Sorry."

_'Mmm.'_

"So… how exactly can I help you?"

_'Selina is currently barefoot, and topless, cooing 'Here Kitty-Kitty-Kitty' at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. I have claw marks on my thigh from when she demanded I pull over. Straight through the kevlar. Was no sooner at a complete stop when she leapt from the vehicle, of which I am still hiding in. A handful of civilians have pulled over to watch…it may very well end up on the news. How do I get her back in the car safely, without causing more of a scene?'_

Dick could only die laughing.

And inform Barbara to be on the lookout for photos and video feed of the incident, then delete them from public records, and store them in their personal files for later amusements."Retrieve the stray, and she'll follow. You'll have to watch her all night, I hope you know. Have fun with that. Nightwing out!" And with that, Dick turned off all communications, and sped off toward the clock tower to rendezvous with Oracle…

Jay got a nice new shiny bike, Bruce would likely get some tail, and Selina clearly got her necklace. All in all, a good night. Perhaps everyone would be in a good mood and they could finish off the week without everyone trying to maim one another.

And perhaps he could even get some cuddles from Babs once they had a good laugh together.


End file.
